School causes fear and panic in some children. Either bright copy-books or colored pencils cannot fetch them. School means for them eternal quarrels with classmates, boring lessons and formidable teachers. Child psychologist Iryna Svyrydenko told ForUm how parents can help their children to solve school problems.

I'm afraid of my teacher!

We all have our fears, someone is afraid of the dark or different insects, some people - to fly and some - of his teacher.

"Once Dmytro came home with tears on eyes and said: "I no longer go to school. It has never happened before. He liked going to school. Then I found out that a teacher shouted at him for bad behavior during the break. And now he is afraid of her, in the morning he cries and asks to stay at home. But the teacher is strict but not evil. She is good to all children," the mother of the nine-year-old schoolboy says

According to the psychologist, the problem may be exaggerated due to the impressionability of children. But such situation should not be ignored.

"Parents should ask the teacher what happened. Maybe the child is not so much scared as offended by the "strange" behavior of the teacher. It is necessary to find out whether the teacher knows about the pupil's unwillingness to go to school? Was there a conversation between them?" the psychologist recommends.

It is important to establish trust-based relations between the child and the teacher after ascertainment of all prevailing circumstances. "In primary school the teacher is of great importance for the child. Sometimes the teacher has authority than even the parents. Therefore, it is necessary that the teacher establishes contact with the child," Iryna says. 

Parents also need to talk to their child. "You should explain the child that the teacher did not want to offend, there are just a lot of kids in the class, and she is responsible for everyone. Thus, the child has to get rid of concealed grudges towards his teacher," the psychologist emphasizes.

Not fat, but plump

We are all people, and everyone has its own peculiarities. Only one person turns negatives into positives, and other persons struggle with them all life and reproached themselves for imperfection.

"Olha studies in the sixth grade. But it is not a study for her but a punishment, because she's a little plump, and "friendly" classmates invented a lot of offensive nicknames for her. What should parents do in this situation, maybe change the school?" the girl's mother complains.

"It is not the way to change the school. As the girl can be offended there as well," the psychologist Iryna says.

According to her, it is necessary to work on the child's self-esteem. As a rule, this is the main problem. 

The girl should learn to ignore the offenders, as a person cannot please everybody. "Therefore, you must begin to love and accept yourself as you are," Iryna advises.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that parents should not independently punish offenders, because the child will be considered as a tattletale.

I do not want to study, I want to get married!

Dislike for study is known to all adults or almost all. A similar problem is urgent among current schoolchildren as well.

"The desire to study rapidly disappeared. Danylo cannot understand why he needs all of these tasks, experiments in chemistry, study of physical phenomena and so on," the mother of ninth-grader complains.

According to the psychologist, such situation could occur for many reasons. "First of all, parents need to figure out the root cause of aversion for classes. If the motivation to study was lost due to the conflict, it is necessary to teach the teenager how to solve them If the student suddenly lost interest in studying, not understanding why he needs certain knowledge, then you just need to explain him how he will use this information in real life," Iryna advises.

To sum up, it is worth noting that if the child has problems at school, they must not be ignored in any case. Dear parents and teachers, do not forget that every child is individuality, and the same problem may be caused by completely different factors. And it is necessary to eliminate not the problem but its cause.

Daryna Schwartzman

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